Just Like Cards

"It’s never too late to become who you might have been. I don’t care how old you are, if you’re still..."

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:02:10 -0400

“It’s never too late to become who you might have been. I don’t care how old you are, if you’re still breathing, it means God isn’t finished with you yet.”

- (via taylorcthomas)

Morning

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:06:00 -0400

I didn’t want to wake up this morning. I love life, but I just don’t want to wake up for a few days. Go into a coma. Maybe I’ll be able to have my memory erased, or something. At least the memory of him…

Ra, you beautiful man… It hurts. Really, really badly. September fifth, three days. The reason is you.

Looking at your face, I know that you’re not my “type.” My friends would definitely think so, too. It’s just proof, though, that anyone can fall in love with anyone…though, I’m not claiming to be in love. Not at all. I claim to be falling, hard and fast.

I’ve grown up, now I’m a man…I wish my prayer came true…

I need some strength to keep me strong. I need some help to carry on.

"I’m hungry. And I have been for a week."

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:02:19 -0400

“I’m hungry. And I have been for a week.”

- kryptonite.

Insides

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 01:15:00 -0400

My insides hurt so bad. I haven’t eaten very well for days, and, even that isn’t really why it hurts this bad. I still have pictures of him open. They’re the same two I’ve been looking at for days, too. Are you going to make me wait sixty-something days? I think you are, and I think it’s going to kill me thoroughly.

Forest hasn’t been online in days, either. I want to get this out to someone. I want to show someone pictures of him, and ramble on about him for a while. But, no. I have nobody to talk to.

Slowly killing me.

Shirt

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 01:15:00 -0400

I don’t have anyone to talk to, and my computer is really warm, so I should turn off my computer, curl into a ball, and hug his shirt for hours. That’s what I should do, but…who knows. Maybe that’s how I’ll end my story, with Ryou hugging Bakura’s jacket again…

Mind

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 01:14:34 -0400

You wouldn’t mind me buying you a cosplay costume that costs about, oh, say at least two-hundred dollars? No, I already know that you would definitely mind. I would buy it, anyways, and then force you to wear it, but, it’s not like I’m going to break into your house, tie you down, and measure you for your size. I’m not mean like that.

I would do it, though. I would do this. Maybe I even will, if my cosplay budget-holder allows me to.

"Why Not?"

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 20:19:25 -0400

Finally you’ve stopped talking to me. This isn’t a bad thing, yami…it’s definitely better for both of us. It’s been eleven hours, and I’m already going insane. I know that you’re busy, with your dreams. I just worry. I worry so badly…

Maybe you realized that I’m falling in love with you. God, I would die…You promised to do the Caramelldansen with me at the convention, though, so at least I have that to look forward to, and your face, of course.

“Why not?” you said. Why not…

Wrap Your arms around me I know, trying hard not to let go. Every time I stand up, I fall without You. When You wrap Your arms around me I know, with me wherever I go. Nothing else matters at all when You’re here.

Okay

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 20:16:00 -0400

I hope my yami is okay…

Always

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:59:01 -0400

Always, always, always. I love you, I hate you, I can’t get around you. I breathe you, I taste you, I can’t live without you. I just can’t take any more, this lack of solitude… It hurts to talk to you, but it would hurt so much worse if I didn’t talk to you. This constant pain in my chest is…it hurts so badly, but I don’t want it to go away. Ungrateful, aren’t I? In the past, I have always begged God to take the pain away, but…the pain you give me is pain that I welcome. Someday, maybe I’ll beg God to take it all away, but, for now, it’s a horrible, painful bliss, and it is mine alone. I keep looking at pictures of you, and it makes it hurt even worse, but, for some reason, I can’t stop. There are times when I hear your voice; it’s just like my voice, and it still haunts me when you come around. I feel like I wasted time when I didn’t have you on my mind. Oh, my God, how did I make it this far? Why can’t I be where you are? My God, I think I’m dying.

Explode

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:55:03 -0400

My heart is beating so fast. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say…

Boy, you make my heart explode.

Words

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:54:33 -0400

I want to write something about you…a story, a poem, anything. I want to attempt to express what you mean to me, and how I feel. How you make me feel, how you inspire me. The problem is that I can’t put you into words. I can’t put any of this into words.

Saying

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:54:15 -0400

I can’t believe that I’m thinking of saying this to him.

I can’t believe I actually said it. I wonder how he’ll reply, if he replies at all…

Numb

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:53:54 -0400

I’m not crying. Weird, right? I’m just kind of numb, and my stomach is in knots, and I can’t talk.

Is it bad that I hope they broke up? Does it make me a bad person?

Ache

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:53:34 -0400

I almost forgot what the constant aching feeling you get in your chest when falling in love feels like.

Sixteen hours since I saw you last.

Hours

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:53:17 -0400

Nine hours and a half. Is it sad that I am counting the hours since I’ve seen him last?

I see such purpose in his eyes. I find such purpose in his eyes. Ra, I want to make an impact so badly; I would never be able to live with myself if I allowed him to make a decision that I know he would regret.

I would post a picture of him not in cosplay, but he might end me. He’s so…beautiful.

Thank

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:52:51 -0400

I want him to thank me, and then I’ll say, “Of course!” and bring up all of the bed-time Bakura stories that Vincent told me last night, full of apples, cell phones, costumes, loneliness, fun… He won’t though, will he? Torture. This is slow torture. I can’t wait until he gets online. That boy is definitely getting a piece of my mind.

Crying

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:52:21 -0400

I’m crying right now…I haven’t cried like this in quite a while, either. He’s just…God, he’s so perfect for me that it hurts. It hurts so badly.

How can I listen to Christian music now without thinking of him? Why can’t he be mean, and just…why can’t he be mean to me, so I won’t like him? Why?

“I wouldn’t worry about ‘Kura being Christian. He’s…really kind, and such.”
“I’m Christian, too…why would there be an issue?”
“In that case, I have no idea why you’re sad.”

Do I, even? Do I even have a reason to be crying?

Alone

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 11:51:43 -0400

I shouldn’t feel so alone, but I do. My friends try to be like me, oh-so “caring”, but… They tell me that they’re going to force me to tell them what’s wrong. Then they leave. Then I tell myself that I don’t care, and then I finally realize that I do. Where are you tonight? Looking at the same north-western sky, I hope. I hope you’re dreaming of the day. Sixty-four days, yami. I’m going to see your face, and I’ll recognize it immediately. I hope I’ll be able to approach you, me getting so nervous at things like these. I probably won’t be able to tell you that I love you, but I’ll hug you. Because of your embrace, I will tell myself that life is good, that it is okay, and I won’t be lying, because you’ll finally be with me, if only for three days. I’m looking out my window right now, and the sky is a darkening blue, and I just really can’t even fathom that your beauty graces this planet at this very moment. When I can’t see you with my own eyes, it’s so hard to imagine that you’re really there. What happens if I can’t find you, though? What if? I’ll be working, but every free moment I have will be dedicated to finding you. When I figure out where I’ll be working, which will probably be in the gaming room, I’ll tell you, and maybe you’ll come. Maybe you won’t. Who can avoid the gaming room at an anime convention, though? It’s…gaming. You are just…everything I could ever dream of, and more. You are who these sixty-four days are going to be for, and what those three days are going to be. Ugh, I can just imagine if he somehow magically read this. He would take it positively, but, still…