I didn’t want to wake up this morning. I love life, but I just don’t want to wake up for a few days. Go into a coma. Maybe I’ll be able to have my memory erased, or something. At least the memory of him…

Ra, you beautiful man… It hurts. Really, really badly. September fifth, three days. The reason is you.

Looking at your face, I know that you’re not my “type.” My friends would definitely think so, too. It’s just proof, though, that anyone can fall in love with anyone…though, I’m not claiming to be in love. Not at all. I claim to be falling, hard and fast.

I’ve grown up, now I’m a man…I wish my prayer came true…

I need some strength to keep me strong. I need some help to carry on.

My insides hurt so bad. I haven’t eaten very well for days, and, even that isn’t really why it hurts this bad. I still have pictures of him open. They’re the same two I’ve been looking at for days, too. Are you going to make me wait sixty-something days? I think you are, and I think it’s going to kill me thoroughly.

Forest hasn’t been online in days, either. I want to get this out to someone. I want to show someone pictures of him, and ramble on about him for a while. But, no. I have nobody to talk to.

Slowly killing me.

I don’t have anyone to talk to, and my computer is really warm, so I should turn off my computer, curl into a ball, and hug his shirt for hours. That’s what I should do, but…who knows. Maybe that’s how I’ll end my story, with Ryou hugging Bakura’s jacket again…

You wouldn’t mind me buying you a cosplay costume that costs about, oh, say at least two-hundred dollars? No, I already know that you would definitely mind. I would buy it, anyways, and then force you to wear it, but, it’s not like I’m going to break into your house, tie you down, and measure you for your size. I’m not mean like that.

I would do it, though. I would do this. Maybe I even will, if my cosplay budget-holder allows me to.

Finally you’ve stopped talking to me. This isn’t a bad thing, yami…it’s definitely better for both of us. It’s been eleven hours, and I’m already going insane. I know that you’re busy, with your dreams. I just worry. I worry so badly…

Maybe you realized that I’m falling in love with you. God, I would die…You promised to do the Caramelldansen with me at the convention, though, so at least I have that to look forward to, and your face, of course.

“Why not?” you said. Why not…

Wrap Your arms around me I know, trying hard not to let go. Every time I stand up, I fall without You. When You wrap Your arms around me I know, with me wherever I go. Nothing else matters at all when You’re here.

I hope my yami is okay…

Always, always, always. I love you, I hate you, I can’t get around you. I breathe you, I taste you, I can’t live without you. I just can’t take any more, this lack of solitude… It hurts to talk to you, but it would hurt so much worse if I didn’t talk to you. This constant pain in my chest is…it hurts so badly, but I don’t want it to go away. Ungrateful, aren’t I? In the past, I have always begged God to take the pain away, but…the pain you give me is pain that I welcome. Someday, maybe I’ll beg God to take it all away, but, for now, it’s a horrible, painful bliss, and it is mine alone. I keep looking at pictures of you, and it makes it hurt even worse, but, for some reason, I can’t stop. There are times when I hear your voice; it’s just like my voice, and it still haunts me when you come around. I feel like I wasted time when I didn’t have you on my mind. Oh, my God, how did I make it this far? Why can’t I be where you are? My God, I think I’m dying.

My heart is beating so fast. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say…

Boy, you make my heart explode.

I want to write something about you…a story, a poem, anything. I want to attempt to express what you mean to me, and how I feel. How you make me feel, how you inspire me. The problem is that I can’t put you into words. I can’t put any of this into words.

I can’t believe that I’m thinking of saying this to him.

I can’t believe I actually said it. I wonder how he’ll reply, if he replies at all…

I’m not crying. Weird, right? I’m just kind of numb, and my stomach is in knots, and I can’t talk.

Is it bad that I hope they broke up? Does it make me a bad person?

I almost forgot what the constant aching feeling you get in your chest when falling in love feels like.

Sixteen hours since I saw you last.

Nine hours and a half. Is it sad that I am counting the hours since I’ve seen him last?

I see such purpose in his eyes. I find such purpose in his eyes. Ra, I want to make an impact so badly; I would never be able to live with myself if I allowed him to make a decision that I know he would regret.

I would post a picture of him not in cosplay, but he might end me. He’s so…beautiful.